Blind Date Jitters

Dear AgentI feel like I just mailed a love note. And now I want to crawl into the post office box to get it back.

It’s that time of year again, the Society of Children’s Book Writers & Illustrators (SCBWI) conference season in the Midwest. Many of us children’s book writers and illustrators are frantically polishing treasured stories for a manuscript review. In return, we’ll receive feedback to improve our work.

Critique reviews also provide a prime networking opportunity. We try to bring our best to the table in an attempt to knock agents and editors–or experienced critiquers who know agents and editors–off of their feet. Usually, we’ve never met our manuscript reviewer before. We just know he/she hangs out on a pedestal.

The submission process feels awkward, like sending a love letter to a blind date in hopes of compatibility. It’s extremely humbling, yet stocked with hopeful anticipation and romantic notions of finding the one who will find extraordinary worth in us and our work.

Though some writers and illustrators may not admit it, our secret hope is that the agent or editor will say, “Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you all of my life. Will be my client? I must represent you and only you. Is this seven figure contract enough to seal our bond?”

Luckily I specialize in fiction.

I probably should look into fantasy.

Anyway, for all of you SCBWI Conference-wooers: Don’t lose your nerve! Step away from the post office box. You’re not a delusional stalker–really. (Okay, well some of us are.)

Incidentally, the Minnesota SCBWI Conference will be held October 12-13, followed by the Iowa SCBWI Conference, October 18-20. I’m cheering for some lucky agent/editor to find the one in you.

Marathon

fpublic0009-true-history-hare-tortoise-lord-dunsany_full

THE HARE AND THE TORTOISE, written by Lord Dunsany. Artwork by Milo Winter. This image by THE AESOP FOR CHILDREN is a public domain image.

Writing a book is a marathon–not a sprint. So much else in life is an all-out race, this slow-and-not-so-sure reality makes most book writers feel judged for not producing immediate results.

Our cultural urgency to succeed and do it now deals writers an undue amount of shame and guilt. We’re rarely there on time to meet and greet the people  prematurely gathering at the finish line.

A 90-year-old relative said to me, “People ask me what you do with all of your time. I told them, ‘I have no idea.'”

Another relative, a 23-year-old, said, “What will you do while I take my nap?”

I said, “I’ll work on my book.”

A couple of hours later, she awoke and stretched. “So, are you done with your book?”

Another friend said, “Oh, children’s books.Those are easy to pump out, aren’t they? So-and-so wrote a children’s book. If he can do it anyone can.”

That’s what I used to think.

Instant success expectations are why there are more people who want to write books than books. Writing is humbling. And if enough people think you’re taking too long or doubt you can finish the marathon, you can start to doubt it yourself.

Me? I’m sticking with the process because I know how the story ends. The tortoise wins the race–maybe skinny and battle-scarred by the sacrifice–but she/he crosses the finish line.

The pleasing ending of the Hare and the Tortoise was possible because the tortoise was at home (a state of being for us/a physical place for tortoises) doing what he/she was designed to do, yet unafraid to stick his/her head out and plod forward under the protective thick shell of faith, hope, and focus.

Cutting Words

Editing is an excruciating process, especially when it involves the extraction of beloved words. For writers, words are our progeny. It’s painful to part with them. Yet, we remove favored words all of the time, as an act of sacrificial love for our manuscripts and mercy for readers everywhere.

Fortunately, I just thought of a way to save my words AND make incomplete manuscripts happy. I opened a home for orphaned words, lines, and scenes today. I’m making excess words available for adoption!

This is my first foundling, cut from my children’s chapter book manuscript:

While Gramma helped Papa catch the tumbling toys, I chased a crazy ping pong ball–ping, ping, ping–until it plopped into the kitty litter–plip. I decided to leave it. Maybe Papa and Gramma would think the cat laid an egg.

Disclaimer: I didn’t say all word orphans were appealing. But I’m holding onto the hope that there’s a manuscript out there that’ll think this is the cutest word baby ever.

The Rain Has Gone

Iris OpenFor the first time after a long winter and a deluge of rainy days, Minnesotans are singing their blahs away with Johnny Nash’s, “I Can See Clearly Now”.FragrantWonder Yellow

Our KEM GEMS writer’s group welcomed the sunshine via a fragrant field trip to the Minnesota Landscape Arboretum.

KEM

 

 

 

St FrancisDoveLilac ClusterRedConeColor Coated

You need to smell it to believe it.  If your senses need a vacation, this is just the place for you.Arboretum Rainbow

Thanks for sharing the beauty, University of Minnesota!  And, thanks to my writing sisters, for leading me to this Garden of Eden Prairie.  (No offense, Chaska or Chanhassen. Garden of Eden Prairie sounds better in this story.)

I See Dead People

The last two weeks might have made a good movie. I celebrated two graduations, a wedding, a funeral, a birthday party, and Memorial Day. You’d think a title like FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL would have come to mind, but instead, I found myself stuck in THE SIXTH SENSE movie, brooding, “I see dead people.”

What gives?

I See Dead People - THE SIXTH SENSE

I guess I need to cut myself some slack.  I’d hit a physical brick wall, driving 2,670 miles in ten days through Minnesota rain, South Dakota hail, Wyoming wind, and Montana snow — then back again. That coupled with the emotional fatigue of saying “good-bye” (for now) to my sister made me see the world temporarily shadowed by the dark cloud of negativity inside me.  I was hypersensitive to:

  • flat-emotioned parents watching their kids at the motel swimming pool,
  • zombie-looking youth shuffling down the sidewalk,
  • cranky waitresses watching the clock.

I wanted to shake these dead people to say, “Wake up!”, but I didn’t have the strength.

Behind this urge, I really wanted to shake my sister.  I wanted her to wake up.

As I analyze this cloud, I can shoo it away and recognize the dead person in the mirror — nose out of joint from that brick wall — too fatigued to interact — too jet lagged or self-absorbed to really “be there”.  Without the despair and self-pity of my dark cloud, I have the wherewithal to look outside of myself.  When I move my gaze from self to others, I see how positive conversation, a smile, or a big tip can bring the dead to life – in the giver and the receiver.

I can also reflect upon and appreciate the hospitality, love, and humor of my family and others.  There were so many shining examples of life lived well during this adventure:

  • My niece, “the cheerleader”, shared grief, love,and loss with me and her siblings over the telephone. Then she urged us to move forward and celebrate each other. Ta-Wanda!
  • A graduate’s father’s blue eyes twinkled in response to a compliment. “Clean livin’ — that’s why I look so good. Clean livin’.” Liars can be so charming.
  • A mourning Coast Guard master chief stepped out of his comfort zone to memorialize his mother/my deceased sister with the bronze star of motherhood. Aww. How she must cherish the honor.

In the sunshine of hope, I can hold to the promise of life after death.  My sister doesn’t need to be shook out of that urn full of dust.  She’s awake and more alive and beautiful than ever.

FishingWhen I lower memory’s gaze I see life lived extravagantly — in the joy, abandon, love, curiosity, and hope of children.  They’ve mastered the present — in freely given smiles, all-out tackling welcomes, birthday candles, garden tractor rides, messy bowls of salsa, and red fishing poles.

WaterslideIn the shiny, tan walls of a fiberglass water slide my own life-filled reflection pleasantly startled me — urged up winding stairs by the exuberant, shorter reflection of my grandson.  He showed me I could love better with green chlorine hair. The pleasure of holding him  close through the twists and turns of each exhilarating  plunge far overshadowed my anxiety over racoon/mascara eyes.

This is why I find so much satisfaction in writing and reading children’s books. The characters teach us how to look outside of ourselves and live.

If you see dead people today; give them your smile, an all-out tackling welcome, or a big tip. If those methods don’t bring life to them and you — I know of an invigorating water slide…

Candid Critiquers

Today as I prepare for another day of revising and editing, I’m filled with gratitude for my critique groups. They continually save the day by noticing foibles in my work.  At our metro-wide MN Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators meet-up on Tuesday night, one member noticed that I said something nice about an angle worm.

“I hate to be so picky, but earthworms are an invasive species taking over our entire ecosystem.  I’d definitely cut these two sentences that say they are good for the environment.” (I’m paraphrasing.  He expressed more passion and eloquence.)

Who knew?  My dad always told me angle worms were the gardener’s friend, because they aerated the soil.  Thanks to my eco-minded friend — POOF — no earthworm protestors will picket my future book signings. (This is an extremely hopeful post.)

Another writer friend observed that my main character lacked empathy concerning  another character’s speech impediment.  She surmised that her son, who struggles with his speech, would find this offensive.  I envisioned big tears splatting on my book pages from sad children with deflating self-esteems. Thanks to my compassionate, motherly friend — POOF — no tears or hurt feelings. (I hope.)

Another friend suggested that some of the fruits and vegetables harvested in my garden scenes might not be in season at the same time and another advised that the process of deadheading is more for petunias than cucumbers.  POOF — no angry or annoyed gardeners…

These writers’ recommendations lead me to make small changes that make a world of difference. Because of them, my words won’t cause unsuspecting children to cause a catastrophic earthworm invasion — or to languish at gardening or confidence. Considering the awesome responsibility of writing for children, there’s nothing more valuable than candid critique friends — especially when they’re smart.

This meet-up photo from August 2012 shows how our group looks before we break into smaller working groups -- only participation is increasing and we are taking over the Barnes and Noble coffee shop in Edina. Click here for more information: MN SCBWI meet up. We welcome all SCBWI members!

This meet-up photo from August 2012 shows how our group looks before we break into smaller working groups.  Participation has increased.  Soon we’ll outgrow the Barnes and Noble coffee shop in Edina. Click here for more information: MN SCBWI meet-up.  Nonmembers are welcome to come once to discern whether to join SCBWI.

Start Now

While cleaning out a file drawer of accumulated writing inspiration I came across this gem.  If people see a little picture of daffodils on my desktop, this is why:

Start Now

Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, “Mother, you must come see that daffodils before they are over.”  I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead.  “I will come next Tuesday,” I promised, a little reluctantly, on her third call.

Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy.  Still, I had promised, and so I drove there.  When I finally walked into Carolyn’s house and hugged and greeted my grandchildren, I said, “Forget the daffodils, Carolyn!  The road is invisible in the clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these children that I want to see bad enough to drive another inch!”

My daughter smiled calmly, “We drive in this all the time, Mother.”

“Well, you won’t get me back on the road until it clears — and then I’m heading for hom,” I assured her.

“I was hoping you’d take me over to the garage to pick up my car.”

“How far will we have to drive?”

“Just a few blocks,” Carolyn said. “I’ll drive.  I’m used to this.”

After several minutes I had to ask, “Where are we going?  This isn’t the way to the garage!”

“We’re going to my garage the wrong way” — Carolyn smiled — “by way of the daffodils.”

“Carolyn,” I said sternly, “please turn around.”

“It’s all right, Mother. I promise you will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience.”

After about twenty minutes, we turned onto a small gravel road and I saw a small church.  On the far side of the church I saw a hand-lettered sign “Daffodil Garden.”  We got out of the car and each took a child’s hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path.  Then we turned a corner of the path and I looked up and gasped.

Before me lay the most glorious sight.  It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it down over the mountain peak and slopes.  The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, saffron, and butter yellow.  Each different-colored variety was planted as a group so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue.  Five acres of flowers.

“But who has done this?”  I asked Carolyn.

“It’s just one woman,” Carolyn answered.  “She lives on the property.  That’s her home.”  Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house that looked small and modest in the midst of all that glory.  We walked up to the house.  On the patio we saw a poster: “Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking” was the headline.  The first answer was a simple one: “50,000 bulbs,” it read.  The second answer was, “One at a time, by one woman.  Two hands, two feet, and very little brain.”  The third answer was, “Began in 1958.”

There it was.  The Daffodil Principle.  For me that moment was a life-changing experience.  I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than thirty-five years before, had begun — one bulb at a time — to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountain top.  Still, just planting one bulb at a time, year after year, had changed the world.  This unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived.  She had created something of ineffable magnificence, beauty, and inspiration.

The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principles of celebration: learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time — often just one baby-step at a time — learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time.  When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things.  We can change the world.

“It makes me sad in a way,” I admitted to Carolyn. “What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five years ago and I had worked away at it ‘one bulb at a time’ through all those years.  Just think what I might have been able to achieve!”

My daughter summed up the message of the day in her direct way.

“Start now,” she said.
____________________________________________________________________

Research indicates this story is excerpted from CELEBRATION! and THE DAFFODIL PRINCIPLE, books of inspiration by Jeroldeen Edwards, now deceased.

To learn more about the Daffodil Garden, here’s a Daffodil Fact Sheet, created by gardener/creator, Gene Bauer. (Bauer closed her garden to the public because of her advanced age; therefore, the tourism information is outdated, but much of the other information remains relevant.) A fire destroyed the Bauer’s A-frame home, shade trees, and garden.  Fortunately, the daffodils survived and continue to thrive, because their bulbs were protected under the ground. 

Critique session attitude

Sometimes when I have a new manuscript critiqued, I envision myself pushing a boulder up a hill. Making headway depends upon my attitude more than what others say.

If I don’t bring humility, open to revision suggestions, defensiveness can make me let go of the boulder.  It squashes me like Wile E. Coyote and I lift my head only to watch my boulder roll back down the hill.  Smoke trails out my ears as I stomp down to push again — by myself.  Sometimes I even curse the boulder and threaten to leave it — which is a good idea when my attitude is bad.

If I go to a critique session ready to accept the gifts of advice and encouragement, other hands help me push.  It becomes a community project.  Humility begets progress — sometimes inches — sometimes miles — but the boulder keeps moving upward.  The journey grows sweeter and the view looks better when shared with friends.

Whatever boulder you’re pushing — don’t try going it alone.  It’s lonely in the valley — not to mention, exhausting.

Self-pity is the response of pride to suffering. ~ John Piper

Shoulda-Coulda-Woulda

Now is the season to change our Shoulda-Coulda-Woulda blues to Do-I-Did-I-Did-I’ve-Done-‘N-Did-That-Too (sung to the tune of Doo-Wah-Diddy by Manfred Man, of course).

For instance, I wanted to listen more and talk less in 2012. (Part of the whole “love better” goal.)

  • I shoulda. Listening isn’t rocket science.
  • I coulda, if I’d have just shut my pie hole.
  • I woulda, with a little discipline.

I just could not shut up for the life of me.  Obviously, I need to go to Wal-Mart for the Ears of Steel DVD.

A friend told me a story that offers the motivation to remedy my verbal diarrhea problem, but I hadn’t listened well, she doesn’t answer my calls (since I never let her talk), and I can’t find the story on the Internet.  Nonetheless, I’m going to share my flawed, paraphrased  understanding of her story, because it inspires me and I hope it will inspire you.

Once upon a time a female reporter enjoyed the prestigious honor of sitting between two extraordinary men at a banquet.  On her left was the most interesting man she had ever met.  He fascinated her with colorful stories of African safaris, world leaders he had influenced, and global events he had affected. Despite this man’s astounding accomplishments, her favorite dinner companion was on her right — for he was most interested — in her.

The man on her left:                                              The man on her right:

On a similar note, years ago I asked an author friend, “How can I become a better writer?”

Her answer? “Write.”

I expected something more philosophical and complex, like: “Climb a mountain, jump out of an airplane, walk in the footsteps of Ernest Hemingway, contemplate the pyramids, then pat your head while making circles on your belly.”

“Write” is so simple, yet so hard.  I just cannot shut off my distracted mind for the life of me.  A typical morning at my desk:  “Did I forget to shave one leg?  Oh look, the neighbor’s on our front yard, bringing his adorable dog to leave a present. I’ll have to bring our adorable grandson and his potty chair (without the ‘catch receptacle’) to the neighbor’s yard to return the favor. Ouch! What’s that on my chin — a cactus sticker?…”

Sigh. It’d be easy to become discouraged.  But, my wise, successful friends stand as beacons of light. My Shoulda-Coulda-Woulda defeats of 2012 can be changed to Do-I-Did-I-Did-I’ve-Done-‘N-Did-That-Too victories in 2013 via profoundly simple solutions.  Hence, my annual to-do list looks just like a best-selling book cover/Julia Roberts movie title — only the list has different words — in different order — and there’s no one around here who looks like Julia Roberts.  Here it is: Drumroll please.

Love
Listen
Write

See. What’d I say?

In my hopeful zeal, I’ve even added a sublist — items that should improve my prospects of accomplishing the first list.  This list looks more like orders from Mr. Miyagi (Pat Morita) in Karate Kid:

Shut Up
Wax
Move

Peanut Bristle–er–Brittle

My initial attitude about making peanut brittle was similar to my concept of writing children’s books:  Phhh — I can do that.  Mix some corn syrup and a handful of peanuts/write a couple of simple sentences and whallah! How hard can it be? Well — I’m in the hands-on-the-ground-I’m-not-worthy position begging mercy again — this time from peanut brittle chefs.  The creative process is not as easy as they make it look.

I started the way any self-respecting chef does.  I Googled for a recipe with the word “best” in it.  Mom’s Best Peanut Brittle rose to the top of the Google chain.  The word “mom” offered a comforting bonus.

I ignored the video portion. I didn’t need it. Phh — how hard could it be?

In the text, Amanda, the generous gal who submitted the recipe, said to move quickly to get the mixture out of the pan once it reaches 300 degrees.  I didn’t have a candy thermometer, so I tried to guess when it was 300 degrees.  I stirred in the butter and baking soda per the instructions and poured it in the pan to cool. I assumed it magically turned the desired peanut brittle color.

Peanut brittle try #1. Too soft

Two hours of running in and out of our cold garage to check the status, I learned it doesn’t.  I obviously hadn’t heated the mixture to 300 degrees.  (Kind of like some my half-baked manuscripts that I’ve sent to agents, family, and friends.)

So, I Googled Salvaging Undercooked Peanut Brittle and followed Tiffany’s helpful instructions to throw the pieces back in the pan, turn the heat up and stir, stir, and stir to a raging boil and wait to pour it in the pan until it reaches 300 degrees.  I had to take the pan off the burner midway, because I forgot to grease my aluminum foil, but eventually I had a boiling mixture that turned the color of peanut brittle. This looks better, don’t you think?

Peanut brittle try #2. Too chewy.

I thought so, too. I pried the last glob off the spoon with my teeth before preparing the spoon for the dishwasher.  The mixture burnt the roof of my mouth.  Then, my teeth stuck together and I had to wait until it melted, so I wouldn’t pull off a crown. I had considered sending some in a care package to a relative in the nursing home, but I envisioned her pulling out her sloppy upper and lower dentures, cemented together by my peanut brittle…and I changed my mind.

Again, I set the mixture on a shelf in the garage.  It did eventually cool enough to break.  I was so excited I put some of it in a holiday bag on my counter and the rest in the freezer.  The stuff in the bag melted together to make one big glob.  (In the writing stage, this is when I submit the manuscript at draft #781 and I should have waited until draft #962.)

Peanut blob square pants

Not to be beaten down by a blob of peanut brittle, I scoured the pans, slopped some butter on more aluminum foil and threw the obstinate concoction on the stove again.

Brittle Disposition

Burnt peanuts — not so tasty. The pan — and my temper — too hot, so the pan and I chilled as I chisled the brittle from the burnt pan into a mellower pan. Then, I stirred and stirred and stirred some more — until my right bicep popped out of my shirt.

Brutal brittle workout

…and the tip of my spoon melted.

Peanut brittle casualty

Now we’re going to die of plastic spoon poisoning.

Peanut brittle try #3.  Just right!

The concoction hardened immediately and shattered when I looked at it cross.  Ta da!  I ran up my stairs with the Rocky Balboa theme song in my head.   Then I forgot what I went there for.

Hopefully some of the peanut brittle will stay separated enough for our son to taste at his military base.  If not, he can throw it in the air for skeet shooting practice.

Peanut brittle Survivor spear

Or, he could tie it to a stick and use it for spear fishing. (I watch Survivor.)

Second thought — there’s not much fishing where he is.

Next year: less peanuts, more patience, a wooden spoon, and a candy thermometer.

Or, maybe I’ll just buy peanut brittle from someone else.  Then I’ll have ten extra hours to be humbled writing children’s books.