Joyous in the Land of the Groanups

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My Christmas present to you:

Joyous in the Land of the Groanups
by Ken Bradshaw

Joyous NativityOnce upon a time there was a land whose inhabitants were called Groanups.  They were called Groanups, because all they did was groan and grumble all day long.

And no wonder, because this was the time of the Groanin’ Empire.  The Groanups were ruled by King Hatred.  He hated everybody.

Living in that land was a lady named Merry.  She was one of the few people there who was happy.  When she learned that she was to be the mother of God’s Son, Merry and her husband, Jovial, were full of joy.  When the baby was born, he was such a cheerful baby they decided to call him “Joyous,” at the suggestion of a Messenger of Good News.

Three wise guys came to see the child, and gave him gold, nonsense, and mirth.  But when King Hatred learned about the child, he was angry.  He did not want anyone spreading joy and hope among the Groanups, so he sent some soldiers to find and kill Joyous.  But Jovial took Merry and Joyous away before the soldiers could find them.

When Joyous was a young man, he went all over the kingdom telling the Groanups to turn from their ways to be born again, and to become like little children.  Then they would have sunshine and health in this life and the next.  When he saw Groanups with especially heavy hearts, he would touch them and say, “Lighten up,” and they would be healed.  That’s why he was called “the Light of the World.”  God smiled on His Son and was pleased with him.

But most of the Groanups were not pleased.  They were too set in their ways and did not want to become young and healthy and joyful again.  King Hatred especially did not want anyone to be happy.

So the king and his Groanups seized Joyous and had him whipped.  They put thorns on his head and called him the clown of thorns.  Then to show the world how cross he was at anyone who would dare to spread joy in his kingdom, King Hatred had Joyous nailed to a cross to die.

But Joyous had the last laugh, for after he died and was buried, he came alive again.  Many Groanups heard this wonderful news and finally believed that Joyous was really the son of God.  They stopped groaning and became as children again.  Then they went and spread the good news that whoever accepted the Spirit of Joyous would have life and laughter everlasting.

Chester’s Christmas

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As promised, below is the latest news on Ann Page’s follow-up ebooks to Maggie’s Christmas Ride. Follow the links for free previews.

ChestersWishList_COVERChestersVisit_COVERChester’s Christmas List – Chester is torn between finishing his Christmas list and helping someone in need.

Chester’s Christmas Visit – Chester and Maggie visit Chester’s sick grandpa to spread holiday cheer, but things don’t go exactly as planned.

Both eBooks are available at MeeGenius.com. They will be available in paperback in December 2014

For the latest info on Page’s writing projects, go to AnnPageAuthor.com.

Congratulations, Ann!

Elise Parsley Has Arrived!

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EliseHyldenElise Parsley. Elise Parsley. Elise Parsley.

I told you I was a name dropper.

Sally Lodge’s awesome Publisher’s Weekly article of December 17, 2013 “From Query to Book Deal in 72 Hours: Debut Author Elise Parsley” will explain why I’m babbling.

Every once in a while we are blessed to journey with a superstar and live vicariously through his or her success.  Elise has been that traveling companion for me and lots of MN writers.  Yet, never once has she left us behind, choking in her jet stream. Not when she realized how artistically challenged the majority of us are. Not when she was told by an editor that she had a breakout character and to find an agent right away. And not when she got her three book deal and didn’t need our feedback anymore. She’s bringing us along by her side, where we can enjoy the view, too.

Elise is teaching us what it’s like to be discovered. And how to handle it with grace, wit, and humility. She won’t brag about herself, so we, her fans, have to do it for her. Her agent, Steven Malk tweeted:

Honored to have been part of this quintessential dream publishing story. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer author: publishersweekly.com/pw…

Well said–by someone who knows a little about success. And how to handle it with grace, wit, and humility. Talk about a dream team …

Elise Parsley. Elise Parsley. Elise Parsley.

Sorry. I can’t help myself. Once you meet her, you’ll be shouting her name, too.

MAGGIE’S CHRISTMAS RIDE

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Maggie’s Christmas Ride is the perfect seasonal gift idea for the young picture book enthusiasts in your life. Plus, if you live in the Twin Cities area, you can meet Ann Page,  the author and enjoy hot chocolate and cookies.

MAGGIESCHRISTMASRIDEThis book is just the beginning. Watch for more news about Ann in the near future.

Congratulations to her on this debut hit.

Pinching Christmas Pennies II

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Installment #2 on how to spend wisely so we can give better this Christmas.

QUESTION EXPIRATION DATES

If you have gift certificates or coupons that have expiration dates, try them anyway. I tossed $30 worth of Chamber of Commerce “cash” because they’d expired. Later I learned they could be updated. In fact, now it’s unlawful in some states for gift certificate issuers to enforce expirations.

Expired Holiday Gas Station coupons from Cub can still be used at certain gas stations. Just ask. (The Holiday Gas Station in Inver Grove Heights, MN, takes them, in case you’re in the neighborhood.)

Also, food expiration dates may cause you to throw away perfectly good products.

RECORD DAMAGE BEFORE RENTING

Vacation by Owner and Home Away may offer cheaper alternatives for family getaways because you can prepare your meals and eat in. However, take photographic inventory of damage to rental property and send it to the owners before you move in.

The owner of a summer rental threatened to keep our deposit because the housekeeper reported a hole in a bedroom wall. Since I couldn’t say for sure that no one in our party did it, I asked the owner to ask the previous renters if they saw it when they stayed. Luckily, they had and we saved $75.

The aforementioned example applies to any rental item. Recently we rented a car that had small dents in it. We snapped pictures and asked the rental car attendant to record the dents. Only then did we feel comfortable driving out of the parking lot.

MONITOR BILLS

We’ve been overcharged on our telephone bills more than once. It’s a hassle to get overcharges reversed, but it’s worth your time.

TAKE THE TRAVEL REWARDS

We earn enough travel reward points through our credit card to pay for the bulk of our travel. We pay for everything with it to build up points. We’d even pay our mortgage with it if our mortgage company would allow it. Then we automatically pay the balance each month with our checking account.

Disclaimer: If you can’t pay your balance in full each month, this is a BAD IDEA for you. In fact, if this is the case, you should not have any credit card. Pay cash for a shredder and destroy all plastic!

The rest of you, be smart with your rewards. Redeem your points for travel only. Don’t use them to buy the advertised products like that overpriced glow in the dark alarm clock that sings “Yankee Doodle Dandy”.

BUY TICKETS AT THE BOX OFFICE

Buying event tickets online will cost you much more in tax and shipping. Plus they charge per item, so if you purchase more than one ticket it will cost significantly more. Also, many metropolitan theaters offer rush tickets, where unsold event tickets* are available at the box office half an hour before show time at a reduced price. A friend bought rush tickets for her daughters for Wicked for $25 each. I felt stupid standing in line with my $87 Les Miserable e-tickets. And, I think they got better seats.

*Have an alternative plan in case of a sold-out performance. Sometimes this offer is limited to students and educators. Do your research ahead of time.

JUST SAY NO!

Finally, when the checkout person asks if you want the extended warranty on the item, just say “no”. Here’s why:

Happy giving!

Pinching Christmas Pennies

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Most writers and artists live modestly to do what they love best. Unless you’ve written a New York Times Best Seller or inherited a fortune from Grandpa, you probably have to pinch your pennies if you want to be generous this Christmas. Here are some tips to make Abe Lincoln say “uncle”.

DON’T DRINK YOUR CASH AWAY

Save significant moolah by not drinking your income (and calories). Enjoy that Quadriginoctuple Frap; that shaken, not stirred martini; and that Masala chai tea  when you’re “discovered”. This will decrease your fitness gym and dental hygiene expenses, too.

REUSABLE WATER BOTTLES

Reusable water bottles save money and the environment. Refill as needed.

Last time we accidentally ordered fajitas for two. It will feed my husband and I four times over. We’ve saved meal-size servings in the freezer so we don’t overdose on Mexican cuisine. 

LEFTOVER INCOME

When you eat out, ask for the to-go cartons. Luckily, I have a spouse who likes most of the same meals I like, so we often share restaurant meals. The best deal is fajitas. We usually end up with enough food to feed us twice or more at home after the initial meal.

Vegetarian? Try the tofujitas.

TAX ON STUPID

Stay clear of lottery tickets and slot machines. Because the odds are so poor, my economic major son calls them a tax on stupid people. Besides, if you won, you’d go crazy and die penniless and embarrassed like most big money winners do.

Note that this gambling warning comes from someone determined to get her books published. My odds aren’t so hot either. But, writing’s more fun than scratching ticket stubs.

NEVER BUY A COUPON

For instance: resist restaurant.com certificates. Chances are you’ll be required to go to a restaurant you never intended to visit, spend more than you expected, and when the check comes the waiter will say, “I’m sorry, we don’t accept those.” Then you’ll go to the restaurant.com website and they’ll offer to make it right by requiring you to go to another restaurant you never intended to visit …

RESIST GIFT CARDS

Resist gift card purchases–period. They’re slippery little buggers. Unless you want your certificate, your spare change, and your remote control to enjoy each other’s company in the recesses of your couch cushions. Also, landfills are full of unused gift certificates hastily tossed by OCD people like me who can’t stand wrapping paper laying all over. We have a $35 certificate in a Fort Meyers, Florida landfill, if anyone wants to look for it.

Also, we’ve been burnt more than once buying gift cards from restaurants that are now out of business. Ouch!

Disclaimer: Okay, gift cards are a too-convenient habit–even though I know they’re a bad deal. I must confess, I bought movie theater gift cards last week. SAVING MR. BANKS isn’t in theaters until December 20. My KEM Christmas party was last Friday. What could I do?

Amendment: If you must buy a gift card, ask your gift receiver it in their purse or wallet before you throw away the gift wrap.

Anyway, if you want more advice from a hypocrite, watch for “Pinching Pennies II” in next week’s blog post.

May your days be filled with work you want to do,
not work you have to do.

Keep the Home Fires Burning

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It just occurred to me that I quoted Alicia Keyes’ “This Girl Is On Fi-Ya” last year about this time. This Thanksgiving a new fiery experience inspires thankfulness.

While my husband drove us home from a recent out-of-town adventure, I was my usual charming traveling companion self — engrossed in a book. He braked the car abruptly and I rescued my nose from the dashboard just in time to see us speedily approaching a flatbed piled to the sky with hay bales. The pickup driver pulled his rig over, dove out of his truck, and frantically cranked a lever to unhitch his pickup. As our vehicle passed, we noticed why. A bale was burning. My husband parked and we jumped out to help — him with manpower and me to call 911.

When the dispatcher asked me whether we were in Minnesota or South Dakota, I had no idea, so I read the mile marker and the intersection signs nearest me. She sighed and put me through to another dispatcher who said, “You should call 911” and I think he hung up on me. It’s like with Siri. No one takes me seriously. So I called 911 again.

The driver and my husband and another passerby finally got the flatbed unhitched, which was no small miracle, considering how quickly the fire spread.

FlatbedFireIt spread like wild fire. Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

Sparks blew toward a grove of trees near a farmhouse adjacent to the road.  A college age girl and I scrambled to alert the owners. The door was padlocked, indicating no home dwellers were in danger.

When a lone highway patrol car showed up, I threw up my arms. “I asked for fire trucks and they sent him? What’s he going to do, throw his coffee on it?”

My husband gave me that now-don’t-get-us-a-ticket look. So I saved further complaints for the ride home. We never did meet a fire truck. But, we didn’t hear about any rampant South Dakota/Minnesota fires either, so help must have arrived. And in hindsight I realize how much we have to be thankful for. No one was hurt and the driver had insurance. And we weren’t these unhappy travelers.ThanksgivingDinner

Anyway, Happy Thanksgiving! Keep the home fires burning, but only in your fireplaces please.

For great Thanksgiving reading, pick up a copy of Junie B., First Grader: Turkeys We Have Loved and Eaten (and Other Thankful Stuff) by the amazing Barbara Park (April 21, 1947-November 15, 2013).  Barbara Park will live on forever–in her words, in toilet paper roll necklaces, and in our laughter. That’s one more thing for my thankful list.

2013 Iowa SCBWI Conference-Part III

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MichellePoploff“Write about your histories!”

During her presentation, “The Write Place at the Write Time”, Michelle Poploff urged Iowa SCBWI Conference attendees to put  historical fiction on our to-write lists. She motivated us by sharing the process toward publication of successful  Delacorte Press’ historical fiction novels; among them, Moon Over Manifest by Clare Vanderpool, Paper Covers Rock by Jenny Hubbard, Running Out of Night by Sharon Lovejoy (to be published in 2014).

Finding Your Voice

IA SCBWI 2013

Later Poploff emceed the “Finding Your Voice” portion where attendees whose names were drawn read the first 500 words of their manuscript and provide on-line elevator pitch synopses. This was my favorite part of the conference because it gave writers the opportunity to shine. They shared their words with the rhythm and inflections they envisioned. Most of them had wrung these words out of their minds onto paper through blood, sweat, and tears. Now they were able to share their bounty with other sweaty, bloody, teary-eyed writers. The exercise enabled writers to be heard. That’s what all writers want.

 Publication Teamwork

Jan Blazanin and Allison Remcheck

Jan Blazanin and Allison Remcheck

JanBlazaninAllisonRemcheck


Christine Kettner, Art Director, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, and Illustrator Jennifer Black Reinhardt, walked us through the journey of making  middle grade novel The Adventures of A Southpole Pig. On the other end of the spectrum, Allison Remcheck, Assistant to Rosemary Stimola, and Jan Blazanin, Iowa author and Young Adult Mentor, gave us an inside look at Blazanin’s successful query letter to the Stimola Literary Studio, how she snagged the agency to represent her, and how Stimola, Remcheck, and Blazanin became an effective team.

I’m the poster child for the artistically-challenged, but both road-to-publication re-enactments were equally fascinating. Unless you know a published author, illustrator, agent, or editor personally, you can’t get this inside information without attending a conference. I’ll share some choice tidbits:

  • Directors, agents, and editors’ inboxes are swamped, so make your email query subject line stand out.
  • Don’t put all of your eggs in one manuscript. Your first manuscript may not be the manuscript that gets published.
  • Read as many books as possible in your intended genre.
  • Never pay someone to read your work for representation.
  • Self-publishing may sabotage your chances of being published later.

The Story Only You Can Tell

Joanna Cardenas, Assistant Editor, Viking, Penguin Group, USA, presented “Mastering the Deceptively Simple Art of the Picture Book” and “Author as Self-Promoter”. In picture books, she looks for humor, clever dialog, a memorable plot, and a distinct point of view. She wants to read the story that only you can tell. She quoted Leonard Marcus: “Picture books are stories told in two languages–text and art.”

A sampling of Cardenas’ self-promoting tips:

  • Publishers rarely can afford to offer book tours anymore, so you will need to do a lot of footwork yourself.
  • A website is key, but starting social media and not keeping up can hurt you. (Now she tells me.)
  • Teachers can help others discover your book.
  • Pool your efforts with other authors.
  • Offer workshops for kids that pertain to your work.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this post-view of the 2013 IA SCBWI Conference. Maybe I’ll meet you there in person next year. (Remind me to take more pictures in 2014.)

2013 Iowa SCBWI Conference Photos

2013 IA SCBWI Conference-Part II

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Louise650

First Pages practice
On the pitcher’s mound: Louise Aamodt

If you’re a children’s book writer, one of the best ways to hone your craft is to attend your regional Society of Children’s Book Writers & Illustrators (SCBWI) conferences. For instance: the 2013 Iowa SCBWI Conference offered a variety of hands-on manuscript development opportunities:

  • Roundtable Peer Critiques
  • First Page Readings
  • Manuscript Reviews

Roundtable Peer Critiques

Conference peer reviews provide fresh, unbiased feedback for our work-in-progress. Also, they widen our circle of writing friends, broaden our view of the world, and challenge us to write at a higher level.

For the peer critiques Iowa SCBWI Assistant Regional Advisor Lisa Morlock divided the manuscripts by genre, then she organized us into groups of four or five. Lisa emailed the manuscripts to each pertaining group member so we could review and print critiques (or bring them in e-form) before the conference.

Accomplished author Sharelle Byars Moranville facilitated my group, which consisted of three other chapter book and middle grade novelists. To top off the great advice we received from one another, she suggested we give all characters a crucible moment;  deliver the empathy-building essence of our protagonists; and strategically plan for pivotal stepping moments at the quarter point, the mid point, and the three-quarter point of our manuscripts before tying it up with that satisfying ending.

Elevator pitch practice Up to bat: Alicia Schwab

Elevator pitch practice
Up to bat: Alicia Schwab

First Page Readings

Michelle Poploff, Vice President and Executive Director of Delacorte Press Books for Young Readers, led “Finding Your Voice”, a session where First Page participants received a wealth of feedback in minutes. Participant names were randomly drawn. They read the first 500 words of their manuscripts. After each reading, attendees in the audience provided anonymous  comments on notecards.

In our motel room the night before, my roommates and I took turns rehearsing and creating one-line elevator pitch synopses.  Not only did the pitch-writing exercise equip all four of us to create more impactful queries; but the extra preparation paid off in the performances. When my roommates names were drawn, they delivered self-assured readings preceded by convincing pitches.

Elise Hylden Up to bat

Elise Parsley up to bat, critiquing the pitch

Manuscript Critiques

Face-to-face manuscript critiques provided the best opportunity to have our most polished, unpublished manuscript critiqued by an editor, agent, or published author. We submitted our manuscripts three to four weeks prior to the conference to allow ample time for our advisor to review and write comments; then we received a ten-minute appointment for them to tell us what worked, what didn’t, and how to improve our work.

Thanks to Joanna Cardenas, Assistant Editor for Viking Children’s Books, for reviewing my manuscript. She devoted an impressive amount of thoughtful consideration, offering suggestions on character development, plot and structure, language and diction, voice, and marketability. Her advice differed substantially from input I had received from Barry Goldblatt, founder of BG Literary, at the 2013 Minnesota Conference. However, their foundational goals remained the same: to increase my protagonist’s likeability, which would increase the appeal of my manuscript, which would increase its chances of being published. I’m grateful to them both.

Next week I’ll share more 2013 IA Conference wisdom from Michelle Poploff; Allison Remcheck, Assistant Literary Agent of Rosemary Stimola Literary Studio; Joanna Cardenas; and Jennifer Black Reinhardt. See you then!

2013 Iowa SCBWI Conference Photos

2013 IA SCBWI Conference-Part I

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Randy Holland, Elise Hylden, Jan Blazanin, Allison Remcheck, me, Alicia Schwab, and Louise Aamodt

Randy Holland, Elise Parsley, Jan Blazanin, Allison Remcheck, me, Alicia Schwab, and Louise Aamodt

There should be an Iowa-nice saying. The Iowa SCBWI Conference organizers welcomed us Minnesota party crashers with open arms as usual. The hospitality of these southern friends has motivated us to make Des Moines an annual road trip destination. And next year we might need a bus.

Once again, they doled out wisdom, encouragement, and inspiration. Here’s some to pay forward:

Lisa Morlock and Debbie LaCroix kicked the conference off with this YouTube parody by Sue Fleiss of Anna Kendrick’s “When I’m Gone” cup song.

EileenBoggess

Eileen Boggess

In their presentations regarding young adult and middle grade novels, Jan Blazanin and Eileen Boggess mentioned so many titles by authors whose names I didn’t recognize, I drooled a little during my open-mouthed stare. I whispered to my writing partner. “I need to read more.” Mercifully, she didn’t zing me with sarcasm. But, we’ve both been on a reading frenzy since.

Blazanin’s book, Fairest of Them All, is on my to-read list. Other young adult novels she recommends include: Bitter End by Jennifer Brown, Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell, and The White Bicycle by Beverley Brenna.

Boggess shared her series and trilogies methodology:

  • Every book in a series or trilogy needs to have its own logical arc and structure.
  • Each book should give the reader enough to enjoy what they are reading but hold back enough to leave them wanting more.

Boggess gained this knowledge developing her own successful (and funny) middle grade MIA book series. She urges series and trilogy writers to create and consider the protagonist’s whole world, because readers will know if something isn’t consistent. She also warns writers to be careful which characters we kill off, so we don’t have to resort to another clichéd phew-it-was-only-a-dream scene.

I promise, I’ll share more IA Conference notes next week.

In the meantime, special thanks to the event committee (Connie Heckert, Lisa Morlock, Dorothia Rohner, and Eileen Boggess) and all speakers and volunteers for putting on another memorable event.

2013 Iowa SCBWI Conference Photos